Just a Faded Memory

Well, here we are. Another Thanksgiving has passed us by….and knowing that you aren’t here to share it with me.

I can’t remember your voice; I don’t remember your face.

You’re only a distant memory.

The dreaded news arrived two years ago on Thanksgiving, saying that my hero, the man that I love and look up to, the man I called “goofy” for so many years because he was beyond silly and loved me, was dying and he only had either a few weeks to live or a few months.

He lasted for five weeks.

I came home for Christmas break from college my Junior year and I remember that he became worst. My Dad took me to see him. He was lying in bed, and I remembered his eyes had lit up when he saw me walk into the room, and he uttered one word: “Katie.”

He knew me.

Tears streamed down my face as I went over and hugged him and kissed him on his cheek and whispered, “Don’t leave me.”

I watched him struggle to survive to remain alive for us.

Christmas came and it was only a matter of time until he was gone from this earth.

Then New Years Eve had come.

And you were gone.

You took your final breath on the first day of the new years.

And I went back to college.

I was alone on campus; I had no one to talk to. No one cared what just happened three days prior.

My world was shaken and nothing was helping me. “Friends” weren’t there; the things that I used to love weren’t comforting me. I stayed in bed, I skipped meals, I missed classes….and no one was there asking what was wrong.

I walked alone and it all felt like a dream. The only people who were there were family that lived an hour away and had no way of getting to them except for weekends.

I’m not a fan of Thanksgiving. I don’t like Christmas. I don’t enjoy New Years. Because those were the moments that I had to see you suffer and die.

I dreaded today. And yes, although I laughed and smiled today, I looked at an empty chair and just thought: “He should be sitting here. You should be sitting here with your wife and with your sons and daughters.”

And you’re not.

You are just a faded memory.

And this is what kills me the most.


About selflessacrifice

I love Jesus! I want to be an example to young people and women. Learning to die to myself and live for Christ. It's a hard process, but I know the outcome will be beautiful!
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4 Responses to Just a Faded Memory

  1. …I am so sorry for your loss. May the Lord comfort you and heal your heart. May His gentle touch soothe your pain. Blessings to you.

  2. Pancakes says:

    Hey its me pancakes from CFS, i didn’t know you had a blog ^^…you’re doing so well ..like most christians will just think they’re obligations are just to read the bible and go to church..and it ends there..but you are operating in the gifts God has given you..its amazing and refreshing to see 🙂

    And Im sorry for your loss , I hope God will be a very special comfort to you in your time of need ❤ and I pray that you just keep going..because you're about to birth something amazing 🙂

  3. Gracia McDairmant says:

    I’m glad you’re still blogging. I too as sorry for your loss. I know you know it’s only temporary, but it still hurts. May you have a blessed Christmas.

  4. branleahh says:

    I lost my papaw the day after Christmas 12/26/14.. It has been awful and I cried when I read this because I’m in the same boat. I feel your pain. Prayers.

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